Blizzard finally finishes World of Warcraft after six damn years

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some_textWÓRLDWIDE- So yes, it is finished now. The game I thought I had in the backseat of my car on release night is finally here, and all I had to do was pay THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS AND WAIT SIX DAMN YEARS. More

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Blizzard cuts costumer service staff from 25 to 10 ‘in the spirit of Cataclysm’

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some_textIrving, 16/F/CALI – Blizzard today announced their plans to immediately lay off 15 costumer service workers, severely dampening their ability to handle a swell of hacked accounts, but also mirroring their plans for their flagship World of Warcraft. “We’re always listening to our dev team, and their latest research seems to indicate a universe-wide mathematical anomaly, that 10 can equal 25, and so with Cataclysm and our costumer service staff it shall be,”  said CEO Mike Moreham.

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Coworkers surprise guy who designed ToC with coconut birthday cake, despite him being pretty clear on not liking coconut

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some_textIrving, CALIFUNIA – Blizzard employees waited halfheartedly for the guy who dreamed up ToC to enter the break-room, where they surprised him with a coconut birthday cake, even though he has repeatedly mentioned that he doesn’t like coconut. The guy behind ToC also noted that his boss had yet to talk to the guy in accounting who keeps parking in his spot. More

Grillers at Blizzard company picnic vague about when hotdogs will be released

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some_textIrving, California – Today Blizzard rewarded its employees for all their hard work on Cataclysm and Blizzcon, with a nice family picnic… unfortunately, somebody let the developers grill. Questions about the readiness of the food where answered only with “when they’re ready,” and “soon.” More

GM’s roleplaying becoming increasingly lazy

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some_textBlizzards GMs have seemingly had enough of their mandatory acting, and as such,  players have noticed a dramatic slip in the quality of their roleplaying. Said one GM “You look in your pants and im there baby.” More

Keyloggers beginning to ask disturbingly personal questions

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some_textHopefully you aren’t silly enough to fall for the obvious phishing attempts of keyloggers these days, because if you are, they’ll be violating more then just your wow account. More

Blizzard forgets to mention new class at Blizzcon

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Reporting live from Blizzcon is our Blizzard beat reporter, Miss Betsy Finn.

Anaheim, COOLIFORNIA – As Mike Morhaime, Blizzard’s CEO, watched the last of this years Blizzcon attendees board a bus bound for the airport, he smiled contently. Then suddenly, his face became panic-stricken and he chased after the bus as it began to move down the street. More

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