some_textHellfire Citadel – HELLFIRE PENINSULA – Exactly 3 years ago today the guild <Bag End Buddies> of Surumar were rallied to victory after a stirring speech by their raid leader, warrior Tankinman.  His inspirational speech featured such motivating snippets as “cmon this isn’t exactly hard,” and “all you have to do is click the cube when he starts casting blast wave, this isn’t difficult at all.”

“I remember being in tears, the power of his words sweeping over me and inspiring me to do great things.” said warrior Bigcrrits, who now plays a paladin. “We had been wiping on Magtheridon for weeks, and hours on this particular night, and I didn’t know if the guild would survive.” He went on to say, “but then Tankin told us that even retards could do this, or his 4 year old cousin, and it really made me think and reflect on myself, and what I could do better.”

The Magtheridon encounter was a particularly frustrating one for players, who were required to have 5 players click a different cubes at exactly the right moment in different parts of the room after a knockback to interrupt a raid wiping Blast Wave several times throughout the fight. To make matters worse, a mind exhaustion debuff prevented it from being the same 5 players every-time, meaning you were sometimes forced to trust incompetent ranged dps for certain cubes. The fight was later nerfed so hard that even 4 year olds were capable of doing it, adding perhaps a prophetic angle to Tankinmans historic speech.

Of the 25 players that were there on that historic night, only 7 remained in the guild and only 4 remained active raiders, indicative of the kind of turnover a large raiding guild is susceptible to. The rally therefor consisted mostly of people who had joined the guild and raided with Tankinman after that legendary night, or who had simply heard the remarkable tale and showed up to pay their respects to a man they never had the pleasure of raiding with.

Among the missing was in fact raid leader Tankinman, who flipped out one day during a raid and never logged on again. “It was during.. I don’t know, something relatively easy in ToC that we shouldn’t have been wiping on, instead of calling us retards and pumping us up for the next attempt he just logged off,” said Bigcrrits.

Raid leading is a thankless, high pressure job and rumors that Tankinman has pulled out all his hair, is collecting hundreds of cats, and thinks that the Russians have implanted spying devices in his fillings are likely to be true, a side effect of the years of stress. Many raiders reached out for him to attend the rally, but were unable to contact him.  He was last seen cursing out a head of lettuce in a Cub Foods.